Well, everyone is unique. Everyone has their own story. And for me, well, honestly, I never felt my story had much power, I didn't think it was special in any sort or way. You see, I never felt powerful, ever. I grew up in an unconventional home, and left at the tender age of 14. At the time that I left, well, I felt powerful, being 14 and being "free", boy, did I have another thing coming! At home, I didn't have much power. And actually, I had more power than my other siblings, until they left, also at an early age, but our home was pretty strict. In which, I am not saying some kind of strictness in a home is bad, but like I said earlier, it was unconventional. The power was in the hands of my Father most of the time, and well, that turned out well apparently. (insert sarcasm here).
My story resumes as one mistake and one bad decision after another, leading me into a world I never wish on anyone. The only good thing that came out of my decisions, was the decisions to keep my 3 beautiful girls that I gave birth to by the age of 22, and my now husband, whom I couldn't live without. And those haven't come without their own struggles of course.
The world I'm talking about, is the world of negative thoughts, doubts, FEAR......lots and lots of it, thoughts of death and thinking everyone would be better off without me here, no self esteem or confidence in my physical appearance or my abilities to be anything in life ( I would be an overweight, unloved housewife that would do as she was told because she was nothing better than just that), overweight with high blood pressure, a night time junk food binge eater (and drinker), stayed up all night, slept until the kids came home from school, a 12 pack a day soda drinker (Mt. Dew was my coffee every morning) and insomniac (going without sleep for almost weeks at a time, even ON meds), a smoker, an alcohol addiction (drinking at least a 30 pack of beer a night), a dependency and addictions to anxiety, depression and sleeping pills (had been on them since the age of 16), being surrounded by people and feeling alone at all times, no trust in anyone, blaming others especially my mother and other family for the way my life ended up and always expecting apologies, always feeling like people didn't "really" like me, like I was tainted in some way, always using excuses as to why I couldn't accomplish anything, or why I was the way I was and why it wouldn't change even if I did try, feeling like the worst mother in the world, loving my babies more than anything, but not being able to show it the way I wanted to so badly because of how my life had ended up to that point, I didn't feel I COULD be the Mom I wanted to be, fear of constant judgement, being a people pleaser, but always ending up not feeling good enough when I did try, fear of leaving my house alone, fear of my husband (boyfriend at the time) loving, liking, looking, wanting to be with other women instead of me all the time because I felt disgusting....and there is MORE to this dark place believe it or not, but you get the gist.
WHERE was the power in that?!!
Well....fast forward to today. I am graduating next week from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition as a Certified Health, Wellness and Nutrition Coach. I have met the most amazing new friends over the past year in IIN and one of them, Caroline Cosgrove, writes for a website called fitlife.tv the Drew Canole website. Drew Canole is a Transformation Specialist , a Nutrition specialist and spokesperson for the benefits of juicing and vitality. I've finally shared my story 2 years ago when I became a Beachbody Coach. Frightening isn't even the right word to describe how I felt about it....all those fears popped up. But the response I got, really sparked a passion for helping others. She told me she was truly inspired by my story and asked if she could share it on the site. WHOA....WHAT?!! This was such an incredible honor to even be asked to do this, and I would have been stupid to turn it down...haha! You can read my story on the fitlife.tv website. But what about the power? What's the point of this blog post? Well...
Again, with my own story, throughout my life, my life of "feeling" powerless inside. Of telling myself and thinking I was powerless, I was NOT. I relied on the circumstances of where my life had lead me to THINKING I didn't have the power, when all along, I just needed to shift my focus.
"Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you thought you couldn't."
Along with the shift in my mindset, and doing things ANYWAYS by putting one foot in front of the other, and distracting my negative thoughts and doubts with positive ones, and SEEING and FEELING myself as I wanted to be, and letting go of all of it, and seeing that my circumstances are not what defines my future, I GAINED POWER WITHIN. Along with power within myself, I gained growth, confidence, health, and happiness! The more I stayed consistent, felt the fear and did it anyway, the more the power came along with all those other things too. This life TRULY is what we want it to be, and what we FOCUS on most is the way we will live, period. You are NOT powerless! Is it time to make a shift? Don't wait any longer!
Much Love,
The Invigorated Soul
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